Ayahuasca (The day I died)

August 2016

After my introduction to Mother Ayahuasca three months prior, life has been a roller-coaster ride to say the least and eventually we managed to squeeze in a ceremony for one night. The ceremony is held in one of the city’s older suburbs, Oranjezicht. A different setting from my preferred nature scenes but I am always willing to explore new ways of experiencing a connection to Source. The ceremony was held in an old and run-down double storey home, upstairs in the loft area, with the residents living in rooms downstairs. Some would probably label it as a hippie commune and be that as it may, I just know that Spirit will speak to you anywhere on this beautiful earth, be it in a 5-star retreat centre or upstairs in a run-down loft.

It was a small and intimate group of about 15, including the late comers. This evening was to be short and intense. After drinking in the first cup and nothing happening for hours, I decided to take a 2nd cup and only much later did something major occur. I died. Not physically but it sure felt like it.

I was lying down on my back while in a meditative state like I normally do when, suddenly, my heart rate increased dramatically. Almost like when your body is going into shock. I could literally not move a finger, nor could I barely open an eye. There I was, lying down with what felt like I was about to have a heart attack. I could not calm or ground myself like I normally can. This was getting scary and very real. Suddenly I realised that THIS is what people must experience when they are about to cross over! The fear of being all alone. Of being so paralysed and unable to draw anybody’s attention is a very scary and lonely place to be. To be honest, at that moment you are living in your mental body and not your physical body. Hence the inability to communicate physically while in the death state. I felt such pity and understanding for every single being that ever had to pass while feeling this way. I realised what a great service of love to another it must be to be with such beings at such a moment in their life, to hold their hand or paw, to comfort and to reassure them of how loved they are, forgiven if they felt they needed to hear it, how perfectly fine they will be, that it is ok to “let go” because endless peace, love, light and truth awaits them on the other side.

Eventually I managed to summon a guide with the tip of my index finger. It was the slightest movement ever, yet he spotted my call for help and rushed over. I whispered to him that it feels like I am dying and immediately he responded with a comforting “I know exactly how to fix it!”. I cannot recall exactly what he did, but he spent time at my feet and did something above my head too. The relief was immediate. The dread and fear evaporated almost instantaneously. Despite him saying that he firmly believes I am ready to push on through I am grateful that he also accepted my decision to stop the experience there for processing first.

Wow, to date that was probably one of the scariest and most profound experiences I have had as a physical Spiritual being. It meant so very much to me as a healer wanting to be of service to others. To be able to understand, not only the fear of emotional or physical illness, but also to understand normal human fears in terms of the crossing over process. I then knew that I needed to cross that veil, to dive deeper and further on my path, knowing that Spirit shall definitely guide me accordingly in future. My instinct tells me though that I shall only do this exercise again whenever this particular guide is in town again. I don’t know when this will be as he lives in a different province, but time will tell and Mother Aya will plan it well, of that I am sure.

Thanks to our Shaman Nathan and his very special guiding assistant, Fritz. Hush Hush! (haux haux).


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